Wild Boars and Wagon Wallahs

Eid Mubarak to all! With Ramzan over, the roads should be a little safer. Most foreigners who find themselves in Pakistan during this month of fasting are made aware that with everyone rushing to get home, it's best to be off the roads well before Iftar. But let's be honest, driving in Pakistan is a challenge for most foreigners all year round. At home they're used to encountering motorists who have received the same standardized training, and who generally behave in a conformist, predictable fashion. In Pakistan on the other hand, as with so many other things, conformity doesn't enter the equation. Spontaneity, individuality and innovation are the characteristics which define people's driving styles.

But aside from the unique Pakistani approach to driving, there are numerous other hazards facing foreign drivers in Islamabad. Motorists in the capital territory run the risk of being hit by a wild boar or a wagon wallah, running over a beggar, or even being overtaken by a camel. I suppose these hazards are not all that alien to foreigners, but there are some dangers which I've only come across in Pakistan, and which I believe are worth bringing to your attention.

One of the greatest dangers you'll encounter on Islamabad's roads is the spontaneously materializing check-point. These obstacles appear out of nowhere, usually in the middle of the night, and are almost always poorly lit (no doubt in order to maintain the element of surprise). Remember when the concrete barriers were first erected on Margalla Road? They had no lights – in fact they didn't even have reflective stickers. For a week after the barrier was erected close to the junction at the zoo on Margalla Road, there was a growing pile of twisted, mangled car wrecks on the roadside just in front of it, as people who were unaware of the existence of the barrier experienced sudden and painful interruptions to their normally uneventful nighttime cruise down one of the city's main thoroughfares. Be careful, as these check-points appear out of the blue and when you least expect it, only to disappear again a day or two later.

Another major hazard in Islamabad is the “VIP movement” - Politicians in Pakistan, such is their popularity, like to travel in roaring, swerving cavalcades, with around a dozen escort vehicles, filled with gun-toting men. When you encounter a VIP movement, just smile politely at the man with the gun pointing at you from his lap, pray that his vehicle doesn't hit a bump and maintain a reasonable distance. Usually, the very important person is hidden behind tinted glass, but if you're lucky, you might just catch a glimpse of a celebrity politician. Just a few weeks ago I spotted none other than Nawaz Sharif, driving himself (past billboards of himself) in a flashy Mercedes Benz in Nathia Galli.

Now, most people are aware of the plight of women in Pakistan, and it has to be said that being a woman and driving in Pakistan is in itself somewhat of a hazard. Sure, the Islamabad Traffic Police will treat you very courteously (letting you away with a slap on the wrist for just about any infraction), but still, you might want to take some precautions. I'd suggest having some kind of ball-bearing release mechanism fitted to your vehicle – such a feature will prove useful when you're trying to shake that creepy guy who's been following you ever since you pulled out of the car park in Jinnah Super.

The fourth, final, and perhaps deadliest hazard I'd like to highlight is the US embassy employee. If you encounter a US embassy employee on the road, pull over, switch on your hazard lights, and call your local radio station so they can broadcast a warning to the general public. US embassy employees have been involved in an inordinate number of traffic accidents in Islamabad. You can tell that a motorist at the scene of an accident is a US embassy employee because he's the one who has locked himself inside his vehicle until his security team arrives, while cracking the window just enough to shove a business card through – in case the police haven't already guessed who his employers are.

I hope someone finds this advice useful. Enjoy the rest of your holidays, and remember – drive carefully!